1.When You Got It, Flaunt It
Lyricist：Mel Brooks
When you got it, flaunt it
Step right up and strut your stuff
People tell you, modesty's a virtue
But in the theater, modesty can hurt you
When you got it, flaunt it
Show your assets, let them know you're proud
Your goodies, you must push
Stick out your chest, shake your tush
When you got it, shout it out loud
Now Ulla dance
When you got it, show it
Put your hidden treasures on display
Violinists love to play an E-string
But audiences really love a G-string
When you got it, shout it
Let the whole world hear what you're about
Clothes may make the man, all a girl needs is a tan
When you got it, let it hang out
Remember when Ulla dance
Yeah
Ulla dance again
Ulla dance again
When I was just a little girl in Sweden
My thoughtful mother gave me this advice
If nature blesses you from top to bottom
Show that top to bottom, don't think twice
Now Ulla belt, don't think twice
When you got it, share it
Let the public feast upon your charms
People say that being prim is proper
But every showgirl knows that prim will stop her
When you got it, give it
Don't be selfish, give it all away
Don't be shy, be bold 'n' cute
Show the boys your birthday suit
When you got it, if you got it
Once you got it, shout out, â½Hooray!â
2.You Never Say Good Luck On Opening Night
Lyricist：Mel Brooks
And I just want to wish everybody, good luck
Mr. Bloom, hasn't anyone ever told you
It's bad luck to say, 'Good luck' on opening night
If you do, I tell you
It is certain by the curtain
You are through
Good luck
It's bad luck to say, 'Good luck' on opening night
Once it's said, you are dead
You will get the worst reviews
You've ever read
Good luck
Even at the Comedie-Francaise
On the opening night they are scared
'Bon chance, mes amis,' no one says
The only word you ever hear is
Merde
Good luck, good luck, good luck
It's verboten, wishing luck on opening night
Take advice, don't think twice
Or your show will surely end
Up in the Scheiss
Guten lucken
At the famous La Scala in Milan
On opening night it's a rule
In Boccu Lupa they say with Elan
And just for luck they all shout
'Bah fongool'
I got it, now I'll never say
'Good luck' on opening night
That's the rule, I'm no fool
What do I say, I beg？
What you say is,
'Break a leg'
Break a leg？
Yes, break a leg
If you're clever
Good luck
You'll endeavor
To never, never, never, never
Ever, ever, ever say
On opening night
3.Betrayed
Lyricist：Mel Brooks
'Mail call! Here ya go, Bialystok, ya got a postcard'
'A postcard？ From where？'
'Brazil'
'Brazil？ Who do I know in Brazil？'
Dear Max, 'Rio is everything you said it was and more
Ulla and I think of you every chance we get
In the morning, when we have breakfast on our terrace
Many different herrings and in the evening
When we samba together in the moonlight
Sorry, must run, Ulla's waiting, it's almost eleven'
'Wish you were here, Leo
Just like Cain and Abel, you pulled a sneak attack
I thought that we were brothers
Then you stabbed me in the back'
Betrayed! Oh boy, I'm so betrayed
Like Samson and Delilah, your love began to fade
I'm crying in the hoosegow, you're in Rio getting laid
Betrayed! Let's face it, I'm betrayed
Boy, have I been taken
Oy, I'm so forsaken
I should have seen what came to pass
I should have known to watch my ass
I feel like Othello, everything is lost
Leo is Iago, Max is double-crossed
I'm so dismayed, did I mention I'm betrayed？
I used to be the king but now I am the fool
A captain without a ship, a rabbi without a shul
Now I'm about to go to jail, there's no one who will pay my bail
I have no one who I can cry to, no one I can say goodbye to
I'm drowning, I'm drowning here, I'm going down for the last
time
I, I, I see my whole life flashing before my eyes
I see a weathered old farmhouse with a white picket fence
I'm running through fields of alfalfa with my collie, Rex
And Rex, stop it and I see my mother standing on the back porch
In a worn but clean gingham gown and I hear her calling out to
me
'Alvin, don't forget your chores, the wood needs a-cordin'
And the cows need a-milkin', Alvin, Alvin'
'Wait a minute, my name's not Alvin, that's not my life
I'm not a hillbilly, I grew up in the Bronx
Leo's taken everything, even my pasts
My past's a dying ember but wait, now I remember how did it
begin？
He walked into my office with his cockamamie scheme
You can make more money with a flop than with a hit
'We can do it, we can do it'
'I can't do it'
'We can do it'
'I can't do it'
Goodbye Max
'Lord, I want that money'
'I'm back, Max'
'Come on, Leo, we can do it'
Step one, find the play
See it, swirl it, touch it, kiss it
Hello, Mister Liebkind
'Guten Tag, hop clop'
'Guten Tag, hop clop'
Adolf Elizabeth Hitler
'Guten Tag, hop clop'
'Guten Tag, hop clop'
Step two, hire the director
Keep it gay, keep it gay, keep it
Two-three, kick, turn, turn, turn, kick, turn
Ulla
Step three, raise the money
Along came Bialy
Intermission
Step four, hire all the actors
A wandering minstrel I
A think of shreds and
Next, the little wooden boy
Next, that's our Hitler
Opening night
Good luck, good luck, good luck
Break a leg, I broke my leg
'Springtime for Hitler and Germany'
A surprise smash
'Springtime for Hitler and Germany
It'll run for years
Where did we go right？
Where did we go right？
Gimme those books
Fat, fat, fatty
Gimme those books
Fat, fat, fatty
Books, fat
Books, fat
Books, fat
Books, fat
Lousy fruit, kill the actors, you ever eat with one
Then you ran to Rio and you're safely out of reach
I'm behind these bars, you're banging Ulla on the beach
Just like Julius Caesar was betrayed by Brutus
Who'd think an accountant would turn out to be my Judas
I'm so dismayed, is this how I'm repaid？
To be betrayed, betrayed
4.The King of Broadway
Lyricist：Mel Brooks
I used to be the king, the king of old Broadway
The best of everything was mine to have each day
I always had the biggest hits
The biggest bathrooms at the Ritz
My showgirls had the biggest tits
I never was the pits in any way
Workman, bum, bag lady
We believe you, thousands wouldn't
We believe you, every word
We believe you, thousands couldn't
We believe each word we've heard
I used to be the king, the king of old Broadway
My praises they would sing a Ziegfeld so they'd say
My shows were always filled with class
The best champagnes would fill my glass
My lap was filled with gorgeous ass
You couldn't call me crass in any way
Workman, bum, bag lady, violinist
Usherettes, nuns, street cleaner
We believe you, thousands wouldn't
We believe you, every word
We believe you, thousands couldn't
We believe each word we've heard
There was a time when I was young and gay
But straight there was a time when I was bold
There was a time when each and every play
I touched would turn to gold
There was a time
He wore the finest clothes
His shoes were always new
Now I wear a rented tux
That's two weeks overdue
Poor Bialy, what a shmoozer
Poor Bialy, what a shame
Poor Bialy, what a loser
Poor Bialy, goodbye fame
Such reviews! How dare they insult me in this manner？
How quickly they forget I am max Bialystock
The first producer ever to do summer stock in the winter
Once he was the king
You've heard of theater in the round？
You're looking at the man who invented theater in the square
Nobody had a good seat king of old Broadway
I've spent my entire life in the theater
I was a protege of the great Boris Tomaschevski
Yes, he taught me everything I know
I'll never forget, he turned to me on his deathbed and said
'Maxella, alle menschen muss zu machen, jeden tug a gentzen
kachen'
What does that mean？
Who knows？ I don't speak Yiddish, strangely enough, neither did
he
But in my heart I knew what he was saying
He was saying, when you're down and out
And everybody thinks you're finished
That's the time to stand up on your two feet and shout
'Who do you have to fuck to get a break in this town!â
I used to be the king
The king of old Broadway
Again I will be king
And be on top to stay
Used to be the king
King of old Broadway
On top to stay, hey
There'll be gala opening nights again
You'll see my name in lights again
I'll go from dark to brights again
My spirits high as kites again
I'll never suffer slights again
I'll taste those sweet delights again
No plethora of plights again
No blossoming of blights again
No frantic fits or frights again
Fame is in my sights again
I'll take those fancy flights again
I'm gonna scare the heights again
Bialystock will never drop
Bialystock will never stop
Bialystock will be on top again
Fame is in his sights again
He'll take those fancy flights again
He's gonna scale the heights again
I'll be on top again, hey
5.Where Did We Go Right？
Lyricist：Mel Brooks
{Look at these reviews
A satiric masterpiece
No way out
A surprise smash!
No way out
It was shocking, outrageous, insulting
And I loved every minute of it!
No way out}
How could this happen？
The show was lousy and long, we did everything wrong
Where did we go right？
Christmas came early to Broadway this year
And guess who they stuffed in our stocking？ Adolf Hitler!
It was so crass and so crude even Goebbels would've booed
Where did we go right？
Last night a star was born on Broadway the lovely Miss Ulla
Inga Hansen Bensen Yonsen Tallen-Hallen Svaden-Svanson
We predict that her name will soon be up in lights
If they can find enough bulbs
We searched Broadway on and off
For singers with a cough
We had tryouts and auditions by the score
And to trip the light fantastic
We picked dancers who were spastic
If anyone jetted, we jetted them out the door
They shouted hooray for that sausage on display
Where did we go right？
Our leading man was so gay he nearly flew away
Where did we go right？
A show so easy to despise
Now it's up for the Pulitzer prize
Oh, where, oh, where, tell us
Where did we go right？
The best new music of the decade!
Max Bialystock is a theatrical genius!
Now they like me
Oh, we knew we couldn't lose
Half the audience were Jews
It's the end of our careers
It'll run for twenty years
Tell us where did we go right？
6.Goodbye!
Lyricist：Mel Brooks
Thanks for coming to see our show
Sad to tell you we got to go
Grab your hat and head for the door
In case you didn't notice, there ain't any more!
If you like our show tell ev'ryone but
If you think it stinks, keep your big mouth shut!
We're glad you came but we have to shout
Adios, au revoir, wiedersehen, ta-ta-ta
Goodbye, get lost, get out!
7.In Old Bavaria
Lyricist：Mel Brooks
Oh, how I miss thee hills and dales
And vales and trails of old Bavaria
Oh, it's such bliss to kiss the Miss I miss
Like this in old Bavaria
Oh, the meadows and the mountains and the sky
Not to mention hordes of brown shirts passing by
Bring a tear to every single Nazi eye
In old, I'm talking old Bavaria!
8.That Face
Lyricist：Mel Brooks
The urge to merge can rob us of our senses
The need to breed can make a man a drone
We must be on alert with our defenses
For every skirt will test testosterone
So, knowing this I severed all connection
With any creature sporting silk or lace
I was firmly headed in the right direction
When suddenly I stumbled on that face
That face, that face, that dangerous face
I mustn't be unwise
Those lips, that nose, those eyes
Could lead to my demise
That face, that face, that marvelous face
I never should begin
Those cheeks, that neck, that chin
Will surely do me in
I must be smart and hide my heart
If she's within a mile
If I don't duck, I'm out of luck
She'd kill me with her smile
That face, that face, that fabulous face
It's clear I must beware
I'm certain if I fall in love, I'm lost without a trace
But it's worth it for that face
That face, that face, that lovable face
It melts my Swedish heart
I'm certain if I fall in love, I'm lost without a trace
But it's worth it for that face
9.'Til Him
Lyricist：Mel Brooks
Your honor when I was in Rio
And had everything I'd ever dreamed of
I suddenly realized that this man, this man
No one every made me feel like someone
'Til him
Life was really nothing but a glum one
'Til him
My existence bordered on the tragic
Always timid, never took a chance
Then I felt his magic and my heart began to dance
I was always frightened, fraught with worry
'Til him
I was going nowhere in a hurry
'Til him
He filled up my empty life, filled it to the brim
There could never ever be another one like him
Leo, I, I never realized you're a good singer
Thank you, Max I sang it for you
I sang it because I'm your friend
You are？ Gee, I've had a lot of relationships
But you couldn't call any of them friend
But come to think of it
No one ever ever really knew me
'Til him
Everyone was always out to screw me
'Til him
Never met a man I ever trusted
Always dealt with shysters in the past
Now I'm well adjusted 'cause I've got a friend at last
Don't help me
Always playing singles, never doubles
'Til him
Never had a pal to share my troubles
'Til him
He filled up my empty life, filled it to the brim
There could never ever be another one like him
Gentlemen it breaks by heart
To break up such a beautiful friendship, so I won't
Five years in the state penentary at Sin Sink
10.Opening Night
Lyricist：Mel Brooks
Opening night, it's opening night
It's Max Bialystock's latest show
Will it flop or will it go？
The cast is taking its final bow
Here comes the audience now
The doors are open, they're on their way
Let's hear what they have to say
He's done it again
He's done it again
Max Bialystock has done it again
We can't believe it
You can't conceive it
How'd he achieve it？
It's the worst show in town
We sat there sighing
Groaning and crying
There's no denying
It's the worst show in town
Oh, we wanted to stand up and hiss
We've seen shit, but never like this
Max Bialystock has done it again
The songs were rotten
The book was stinkin'
What he did to Shakespeare
Booth did to Lincoln
We couldn't leave faster, what a disaster
We are still in shock
Who produced this schlock？
That slimy, sleazy Max Bialystock
What a bum!
11.We Can Do It
Lyricist：Mel Brooks
Don't you see, Bloom, darling Bloom？
Glorious Bloom, it's so simple
Step one, we find the worst play ever written
Step two, we hire the worst director in town
Step three, I raise two million dollars
Two？ Yes, one for me, one for you
There's a lot of little old ladies out there
Step four, we hire the worst actors in New York
And open on Broadway and before you can say, â½Step fiveâ
We close on Broadway, take our two million and go to Rio
Rio？ Nah, that'd never work, oh, ye of little faith
What did Lewis say to Clark when everything looked bleak？
What did Sir Edmund say to Tenzing
As they struggled toward Everest's peak？
What did Washington say to his troops
As they crossed the Delaware？
I'm sure you're well aware, what'd they say？
We can do it, we can do it
We can do it, me and you
We can do it, we can do it
We can make our dreams come true
Everything you've ever wanted
Is just waiting to be had
Beautiful girls, wearing nothing but pearls
Caressing you, undressing you and driving you mad
We can do it, we can do it
This is not the time to shirk
We can do it, you won't rue it
Say goodbye to petty clerk
Hi, Producer, yes, Producer
I mean you, sir, go beserk
We can do it, we can do it
And I know it's gonna work
Whatta ye say, Bloom？ What do I say？
Finally a chance to be a Broadway producer
What do I say？
Finally a chance to make my dreams come true, sir
What do I say, what do I say？
Here's what I say to you, sir
I can't do it, I can't do it
I can't do it, that's not me
I'm a loser, I'm a coward
I'm a chicken, don't you see？
When it comes to wooing women
There's a few things that I lack
Beautiful girls, wearing nothing but pearls
Cashing me, embracing me, I'd have an attack
Why, you miserable, cowardly, wretched little caterpillar
Don't you ever want to become a butterfly？
Don't you want to spread your wings
And flap your way to glory？
We can do it, we can do it
We can grab that holy grail
We can do it, we can do it
Drink Champagne, not ginger ale
Come on, Leo, can't you see oh
Mr. Bialystock, please stop the song
You've got me wrong, I'll say, 'So long'
I'm not as strong a person as you think
Mr. Bialystock, just take a look
I'm not a crook, I'm just a shnook
The bottom line is that I stink, I can't do it
You see Rio, I see jail
We can do it, I can't do it, we can do it
I cannot, cannot, cannot, cannot do it
'Cause I know it's gonna fail, we can do it
I know it cannot fail
(It's gonna fail)
12.Der Guten Tag Hop-Clop
Lyricist：Mel Brooks
You will join me in singing
Und dancing the Fuhrer's favorite tune
'Der Guten Tag Hop Clop', all right, key of E？
Is there any other？ Vunderbar, eins, zwei, drei
Guten Tag hop hop, Guten Tag clop clop
Ach du lieber und oh boy
Guten Tag clap clap, Guten Tag slap slap
Ach du lieber, vat a joy
Oh, ve essen und fressen
Und tanze und trinken
Tanzen und trinken
Until ve get stinkin
Everybody, Guten Tag hop hop, Guten Tag clop clop
Guten Tag, meine liebe Schatz
So we hop our hops und we clop our clops
Und we drink our Schnapps 'til we plotz
Vunderbar, gentlemen, I like your dancing
Thank you, you may produce my play
Excellent, but only if you will take the Siegfried Oath
I solemnly swear, I solemnly swear
To obey the sacred Siegfried Oath
To obey the sacred Siegfried Oath
Und, und, und, never, never, never, never, never, never
Dishonor ze spirit und ze memory of Adolf Elizabeth Hitler
Dishonor the spirit, Elizabeth？
Ja, that vas his middle name
Not many people know it, but the Fuhrer was descended
From a long line of English queens
Really？ Adolf Elizabeth Hitler
Gut, so now I sign your contract
Ah, you won't regret this, so, thank you, Herr Liebkind
Broadvay, wait til they hear about this in Argentina
Ach, mein lieblings
Ve're winkin und blinkin
Und clinken und drinken
Our Schnapps 'til we plotz
Heil, you know who
13.Prisoners of Love (Leo ＆ Max)
Lyricist：Mel Brooks
Gotta sing, sing, gotta sing, sing
Okay, boys, break's over
Let's take it from the top
This is good, hey Bloom
Put me down for ten grand
Prisoners of love, blue skies above
Can't keep our hearts in jail
Prisoners of love, our turtle doves
Soon coming 'round with bail
Oh, you can lock us up and lose the key
But hearts in love are always free
Prisoners of love, blue skies above
'Cause we're still prisoners
We're still prisoners
We're still prisoners of love
Hey, Bialystock, Bloom, Liebkind, good news
This just came from the Governor
Gentlemen, you are hereby granted a full pardon
For having through song and dance brought joy and laughter
Into the hearts of every murderer, rapist
And sex maniac in Sing Sing, you're free
Free, next stop, Broadway
But hearts in love are always free
Prisoners of love, blue skies above
Can't keep our hearts in jail
Can't keep our hearts in jail
Prisoners of love, our turtle doves
Soon coming 'round with bail
Tote that bale
You can lock us up and lose the key
But hearts in love are always free
Prisoners of love, blue skies above
'Cause we're still prisoners
We're still prisoners
We're still prisoners of love
Love, love, love, love
Love, love, love, love
Love, love, love, love
Leo and Max, up off our backs
Back on the Great White Way
Leo and Max, back on our tracks
We're back on top to stay
So when we take your money, never fear
We'll knock Broadway right on its ear
The cast is great, the script is swell
But this we're tellin' you, sirs
It's just no go, you got no show
Without the producers
We'll never quit, hit after hit
You and me-o, we guarantee-o
You're lookin' at Leo and Max
The producers, Leo and Max
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